What's important vs what's not

Over a decade ago, I learned a valuable lesson as a therapist for children with autism. 

Working in an applied behaviour analysis setting, our motto was 1,2 follow-through after we requested a child to do something.

So, one day, I asked a child to wash his hands before lunch. He didn’t want to. He seemed off. I didn’t know why. I remember my gut instinct telling me to back off and let it be. 

But I didn’t listen to my intuition. Instead, I did as I was trained. 

So, I followed through by repeating “wash hands” as I firmly pointed to the sink. 

And this further escalated his distress. He started to scream and attempted to leave the bathroom. 

Again, as I learned, I placed myself near the door to block him.I used “planned ignoring” when he screamed, pulled my shirt and pulled on the door knob. 

The moment his challenging behaviours stopped, I repeated the request and attempted to follow through. 

As you can imagine, my ignorance further escalated his behaviours. He began to hit, kick me, bite, and scratch my arms. This lasted 2.5 hours. It ended because he fell asleep. 

Lose, lose. 

Full of adrenaline, I went to the bathroom to cool off. And began to cry hysterically as I washed my hands. I was ashamed of my persistence. Of not letting go of what was not important.

What was important was honouring how he felt. 

Last week, I was at a child care centre. The educator was having a hard time because a boy was refusing to wash his hands. She wanted him to follow through on her request. 

But instead of repeating the request and meeting resistance with resistance, we decided to offer him a wet washcloth. 

He didn’t want to. So, we invited him to the water play bin. He happily played in the water. The

educator seized this opportunity and gave him a washcloth to wipe his hands. 

Win, Win 

This reminded me of what Einstein famously said, “failure is success in progress.” 

Continue to judge what is and what is not important. When it’s important, be open to finding solutions to make it easier for you and the children. 

With all my love,

Alex