But what about the consequences?

If I had a dollar every time, I heard this….

This came from a supervisor.

The child who I was supporting sometimes loses his cool. And when he does, he hits his peers or repeatedly throws items.  

The previous day, the child hit his peer. Instinctively the supervisor prompted him to say “sorry”, explained “this isn’t nice” and wanted him to ice his peer’s arm.

And… KABOOM.

Because for some children imposing our will leads to more resistance and behaviour blow ups.

Later that day an educator explained to her supervisor “Alex doesn’t recommend this approach.”

Flash forward, 18 hours later, the supervisor was anxiously waiting for me to show up.

 As I entered the room, she was wailing her arms while asking “but what about the consequences?”, “how will he learn this is not OK?”

So, I replied “I believe the consequence is to teach him a different way”, “He’s figured out this behaviour is not OK”.” The problem is he doesn’t know what to do instead.” “So, we need to help him.”

After a lengthy back-and-forth conversation, here’s what we concluded:

·      This approach hasn’t helped reduce his challenging behaviours.

·      Some children’s brains are wired differently. One size doesn’t fit all.

·      Children want to succeed. To feel competent and capable just like us.

·      The child’s behaviour is showing us that he lags skills (e.g., frustration tolerance and communicating his needs).

The supervisor apologized. She was feeling stressed because of staff shortages and last-minute summer camp programming. Sometimes our frustration tolerance is low and gets the best of us.

And then came another popular question “so what do we do now?”

Here’s what they’re focusing on:

·      Documenting for 10 consecutive days. (stay tuned)

·      Looking over the data to search for clues.

·      Identifying the child’s “triggers” or hot spots.

·      Discussing which skills are lagging.

·      Mapping out a simple, clear, and doable plan to support the child in those moments.

But most importantly, believing that it’s possible. And of course, being committed for the long haul. Because there are no quick fixes.

With all my love,

Alex